Why is love hard, why can’t it be easier to love someone?  In truth it is not difficult to love someone, on the flip side the absence of love is what is truly difficult.  We find ourselves in relationships where there are areas that one or both partners do not love themselves.  To value who they are authentically and value the other person authentically is something everyone should aim for.  Problems with doing these things are what usually create most problems, strife, and stress in a relationship.  This all stems from not truly loving yourself.  If your love life is stressed out, difficult and tiresome, it is likely because either you or your partner has not done enough work on loving each other and yourself.

Loving yourself and your partner means being a lover.  A lover knows how to love; they know how to be in a relationship, how to listen, how to receive the other person, and how to support another human being.  Being a lover also translates into the bedroom.  The skills you have for being with someone else’s body, for being present in intimacy, and able to tell what the other person wants and needs to feel turned on and excited is all necessary to be a true lover.  If both partners are doing as much as they can to be a lover, you will both start to find it much easier to love.

So in order to love you have to be devoted to loving yourself and your partner.  What hinders this process is one of you saying you are unable to give more, try harder, or listen to the other persons wants and needs.  I encourage you to focus on being a lover.  Make that part of your daily routine.  Just like you normally brush your teeth or work out, set aside sometime for you and your partner to focus on being a lover.

Filed under: Relationship Advice

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