moving on after a break upSo, you’ve been building a life and future with your partner for 3 months, 6 months, or maybe even years when the absolutely unthinkable happens: a break up. Initially, you’re as devastated as you can remember feeling in a long time or perhaps ever. The racing thoughts, questions, and justifications hit you with the force of a ton of bricks as you analyze over and over again if there’s anything you could’ve done differently to avert this crushing blow. Perhaps, no matter how meticulously you search, you can’t find anything. Maybe you can recall an instance, an argument here, or a financial strain there that begins to mold itself as the demon responsible for this heartbreak. Even still, no matter how many reasons you can, or can’t find, you walk around in a haze for the next few weeks asking yourself how you’re ever going to be able to move on. What’s next? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Will this feeling last forever?

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions with lots of them good and unfortunately, some of them bad. Close your eyes and try to vividly picture the happiest in your life that you’ve ever been. No matter how badly you hoped that elation would persist forever, did it? Nothing in life lasts forever. This works against us when the thought or feeling is an exhilarating one, but can be one of our best allies when dealing with a breakup. If the thoughts and feelings that we desperately will to last forever, can’t, the ones that we endlessly hope will pass, will, with one catch. As tempting as it is to fight them, they must be allowed to persist.

The human brain is a truly fascinating piece of physiological machinery. Research has shown that, paradoxically, the more we try to avoid thoughts and feelings, the more they tend to persist. This means that the sooner you accept them as being part of the reality of your situation, the sooner they will no longer be. With this in mind, don’t try to maneuver around the breakup, but rather straight through it. Don’t avoid the activities you once loved or the people you once did them with, but rather show your mind and body that it’s ok to move on by changing as little as you can. Finally, lean on your family and friends because they each want to see you happy again and there is mighty strength in numbers.

Filed under: Relationship Advice

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