What is it that makes relationships so difficult?  The most common reason is that people run into barriers when really trying to connect with someone.  There are four of these barriers that are very common and nearly everyone in a relationship at some point or another has done.

The first of these is blaming you partner, as well as saying the always or never do something.  This seems to characterize that entire person as the thing they always or never do.  If you would like your partner to take out the trash for example it is a much better idea to ask them to please take out the trash rather than yell at them and say they never take out the trash.  A second mistake many people make is getting very defensive after somebody accuses them of doing something.  This leads them to turn right around and accuse that person of something.  This happens when they after being accused of never taking the trash out, they will say maybe I don’t but you never make the bed, thus creating more strife, and likely causing the person accusing you to get defensive as well.  So it is infinitely better if you are being accused of something to take a step back and try to fix this problem rather than get really defensive about it.

The third mistake most everyone makes is checking out.  This is more common for men to do, and consists of blocking out what you partner is saying to you, either by just ignoring them, or reading the newspaper or watching TV instead of listening to what they are trying to tell you.  This often causes the other person to get even more agitated, making checking out one of the worst things you can do.  Instead you should turn and face your partner and really pay attention to what they are saying to you.

Finally the fourth and biggest mistake most people make is getting on a high horse and treating the other person like they are inferior.  This occurs when the other partner tries to shame, hurt, or humiliate the other person in a big way.  This could mean making fun of them in public, correcting their grammar in public; this is a definite relationship killer. If you realize you have done this in the past it is important to stop in the future as well as apologize to your spouse.

These are four simple mistakes that to some come naturally.  It may be quite difficult to stop yourself from making them, but if you do catch yourself doing them and stop yourself, and apologize if you are doing them, your relationship will be on a much better track.

 

Filed under: Control In a Relationship

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