A lot of people don’t realize that blame and criticism are the main relationship destroyers.  When you blame and you criticize you get a rush of adrenaline in your body, which is why people feel somewhat exhilarated when they do it from time to time.  This on a small level makes you addicted to blaming.  You want to blame people because for a second even if it’s not true it makes you feel right, and gives you adrenaline to back it up.

If you want to have a really close, sensual, and thriving relationship you should stop blaming your spouse for things, and ask them to try to stop as well.  Making an honest and wholehearted commitment to try to stop blaming people in your life, specifically your partner, is really the first step you can take toward a better blame free relationship.  It won’t be easy but if you get it out in the open and you and your partner are in it together, it can really make a difference.

When you blame or criticize someone often there is an underlying want or fear causing it.  Instead of saying “you never do the dishes!” to try to get your spouse to do this dishes instead of you, try telling them you don’t really like doing the dishes all by yourself because it makes you sad, or feel alone, and overworked, then asking if they would help you with them, the response will be way better, and your spouse will not get defensive and start blaming or criticizing something about you.  Complaining is never a good way to change the way your partner acts.  However, being honest with how you feel about something then making a request gets your true feelings on the table and your partner often can see where you are coming from more often.

To break the cycle of blame you should confront your partner about it and make a conscious effort.  Once this is done really concentrate on telling your partner what you actually want from them rather than complaining or blaming them.

 

Filed under: Relationship Advice

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